Grace in the Middle of Disagreement

So, a co‑worker and I got into a disagreement Friday. And guess who was right?

You know, it’s a funny thing: when people get into a disagreement, don’t they both think they’re right? Everybody in a disagreement feels like they’re on the right side of it.

I mean, it’s rare, but when Christina and I get into a disagreement, she’s not being malicious—she actually thinks she’s right.

I know.

No, I’m kidding. I’m kidding. I hate to admit this in front of so many witnesses. We don’t disagree much, but the few times we have, I’m going to say she edges me out a little bit. That’s a man really not saying, “She was right.” I’m just going to say she edged me out a little bit.

Here a while back, I had kind of a boneheaded “man moment.” I was tired. I was stressed. I was a little out of sorts, and I snapped off a comment to her—a comment that I shouldn’t have.

And guess what happened next?

I ducked. No.

I might have to duck a pew Bible before this service is over.

No, she didn’t say anything. A little teardrop ran down her cheek, but she responded in love.

You talk about feeling horrible. I felt worse than horrible. I quickly apologized. She forgave me and dismissed it.

Now, was she conceding? Was she bowing down to me? Was she taking the blame for my comment? Absolutely not. I had responded to her in the flesh. She responded back in the Spirit. I had responded to her in worldly rudeness; she responded back to me in heavenly grace.

What happens when you turn on a light in a dark room? The darkness is erased. My response had come from a dark place, and her response—her reply—brought with it light.

John 1:5 tells us, “The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it.” The light wins every time. Grace wins.

Titus 2, verses 11–12 tells us, “For the grace of God has appeared, bringing salvation to all people, training us to renounce ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self‑controlled, upright, and godly lives in the present age.”

In our time together, my wife has taught me more about grace than I had ever put together on my own. The Lord has always blessed my life with people I need in it. I think there are many times we need to take notice of the people that the Lord has put in our day.

Early on in our marriage, we’d be riding somewhere together, and someone would cut her off in traffic, and she would say, “Lord, bless them.”

You cut me off in traffic, and I have to go into prayer. I’m calling in air support. I want to see some lightning bolts. I’m on my spiritual radio: “Echo 2 Bravo Niner.”

For those of you that don’t know, that’s the coordinates to that little split at the McDonald’s drive‑thru up there. A fella cut me off there the other day, and it was clearly not his turn.

I said, “Look, Lord, bad citizen. Light him up. Drop him heavy. I don’t want him to get away.”

Now, you plug Christina into that same scenario, and she’s going to say something like, “Lord, bless him. You never know what’s going on.” I’ve heard her say this: “You never know what’s going on. He might be running late trying to visit his wife in the hospital,” something like that.

So the man pulls up to the drive‑thru window. I pull directly behind him. What do I see? An “I Thank You, Jesus” sticker on the back of his car. Handicap sign hanging from his mirror. A Purple Heart and an Eagle Scout insignia on his license plate. Disabled Veteran sticker in his glass.

“Oh, shoot. I’m waving off the air strike. Abort, abort. Friendly fire.”

Turns out he’s not a horrible, evil person. I think he just didn’t see me. But how many times have we all kind of been in that scenario? Rushed into judgment. Quick temper. Come to our own conclusions. So fast with our judgment.

In my defense, I was just trying to get a cup of coffee. And I don’t think we should be judged for anything pre‑coffee.

Guess what he was doing? Yeah, he got a cup of coffee.

But back to my workplace disagreement. Oh, hot‑button issue. This whole business started the generation before mine. By the time of my youth, you were just seeing it here and there. Now it’s commonplace. It’s a debate that has split groups of people and divided families.

I want you to raise your hand if you’re okay with pineapple on your pizza.

There are a few sympathizers sprinkled around out there. I was always against it. I tried a slice a few years back. It’s not that bad. I can see why they like it. I’m still a Meat Lover’s guy. Sam’s combo is pretty good.

But anyway, like my grandpa used to say, “Live and let live.”

So that’s not really a fierce societal debate, is it? But we have those, don’t we? You cut on the news—that’s what a majority of it is. It’s disagreements, conflicts stemming from those disagreements. Disagreements between people, between groups of people, between different factions, different political parties, between nations, between churches. Sometimes those disagreements come from within the church itself.

And I’m going to tell you flat‑out that most of it is nonsense. Some of it, you could actually just flip a coin and argue either side you wanted to—right or wrong, depending on which side you took. But we are bound to do that, aren’t we? We’re going to take a side. We’re going to stand firm on it.

Scripture says, “Answer not a fool according to his folly, lest ye be like him yourself” (Proverbs 26:4). And that’s what most extremism that causes these disagreements is: it’s folly.

That being said, the one thing that we should never budge an inch on is the Word of our Lord. In an ever‑changing world, our Lord and His Word are the same yesterday, today, and forever (Hebrews 13:8). Second Timothy 3:16–17 tells us that all Scripture is breathed out by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, and for training in righteousness, that the man of God may be complete, equipped for every good work.

But even when we are standing on the Word of our Lord, we should do so abounding in grace.

Second Timothy 2 tells us, “Have nothing to do with foolish, ignorant controversies; you know that they breed quarrels. And the Lord’s servant must not be quarrelsome but kind to everyone, able to teach, patiently enduring evil, correcting his opponents with gentleness. God may perhaps grant them repentance, leading to a knowledge of the truth, and they may come to their senses and escape from the snare of the devil, after being captured by him to do his will.”

We’ll read that again at verse 26: “And they may come to their senses and escape from the snare of the devil, after being captured by him to do his will. For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, and the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places” (Ephesians 6:12).

We are to stand on the Word of our Lord, together abounding in grace.

Ephesians 4:1–7 tells us, “I therefore urge you to walk in a manner worthy of the calling to which you have been called, with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love, eager to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace. There is one body and one Spirit, just as you were called to the one hope that belongs to your call—one Lord, one faith, one baptism, one God and Father of all, who is over all and through all and in all. But grace was given to each one of us according to the measure of Christ’s gift.”

If you go on to verse 32, this is actually the first verse I ever memorized: “Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you.” You know why I memorized that verse? Because I’m a jerk. Because I’m quick‑tempered.

I think it would pay for us all, whatever difficulty we face in life, whatever our weakness is, to find that verse that speaks to us, that speaks to that situation we struggle with. Find that verse and repeat it to yourself during your struggle. That’s God’s help to you.

In closing, your disagreement isn’t with the person. Your disagreement is with the spiritual forces. It’s against the cosmic powers over this present darkness. Your disagreement is with the fallen world.

And you disarm and defeat it with grace. You defeat hate with love. And you remove the darkness with light.